Mary Sues of Hogwarts
by Agent Motiel
Summary: Ever get annoyed with sues? Want to rip their heads off and throw them from the highest tower? Join the club. I'll relieve your frustration by presenting a different sue each chapter and murdering them very messily! Companion to Mary Sues of Middle Earth.
1. Harry Potter's Twin?

**_Okay, considering my Lord of the Rings Mary-Sue parody was such a hit, I've decided to make one for the Harry Potter fandom! Goodness knows it's as bad as our fandom, if not worse. If you have any overused MS cliques you would like to send me, please don't hesitate in doing so! Okay, on with the show..._**

**_Harry Potter, aka The Boy Who Lived, aka The Chosen One, is destined to save the wizarding world from Lord Voldemort, aka He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, aka You-Know-Who. But... what's this? He has a long lost twin sister who also has a lighting-bolt scar and the prophecy was actually meant for her? I know what you're all thinking... what the heck? Don't worry. We'll straighten things out for you._**

Mary Sues of Hogwarts

Rose Lily Potter (A/N Why do they always show their middle name? Is it really that important?), a vivacious fifteen year old girl with flowing red hair and green eyes, let a single diamond tear trickle down her cheek. She had such a horrible life with her muggle foster parents, but today they had crossed the line. They had asked her to (gasp!) _make her bed!_ The horror! They had tortured her ever since her parents had died in that car crash and left her with an ugly scar (which she covered in makeup). The kids at school laughed at her constantly, and her sister Prudence hated her. Sometimes she wished that she could just escape.

One day, when she thought she could make it no longer, her parents told her to go get the mail ("You all hate me! I just know it!"). While shifting through the large number of bills her parents had to pay to keep her comfortable in the home they didn't have to keep her in, she came across a strange envelope with a wax seal on the back that was addressed to her. With trembling hands, she opened the letter.

_Dear Miss Potter,_

_We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The term begins on September the first. Here is a list of items you will need to bring:_

And it went on to list magical books and materials that Rose had never heard of before. But she was too excited to wonder whether this was a hoax or some kind of joke. Somehow, she knew this was her destiny. Nevermind the fact that she was fifteen and well past the age of a first year student.

"Oh mom, can I go? Pleeeeeeease? This is where I belong!" she cried. "If I don't go, I don't know if I'll make it!"

"I don't know," said her very sensible foster mother. "For all we know, it could be a hoax. And if it isn't we don't have enough money to send you to a private school. And let's not forget that there's no such thing as magic..."

"I ALWAYS KNEW YOU GUYS HATED ME! YOU'VE MADE MY LIFE MISERABLE FROM THE MOMENT I WAS DROPPED ON YOUR DOORSTEP!"

And she proceeded to throw a tantrum all the way up the stairs to her room.

.o.O.o.

Rose cried for hours into the night. She even missed supper because her pain was sooo horrible. She was about to go to sleep when she heard a loud knocking at her door. Her parents heard it too, because they looked through the peephole and gasped.

A giant burst through the door with a pink umbrella in his hand. Rose's parents and sister all screamed when he sat on their couch and sank to the floor, but Rose merely rolled her eyes.

"Sorry 'bout that," he said while lighting a fire in the fireplace. Rose instantly knew that he had come to save her. The giant turned to face her and smiled.

"Last time I saw yer you were jus' a little babe! I mean, after yer parents died I was the one to bring ya here, right after leavin' yer brother at yer aunt and uncle's..."

"I have a brother?" Rose cried.

"A twin brother, ter be exact. An' he's just as famous as you!"

"Famous?" This time all of the family was wondering what the heck this giant was talking about.

"Yeah! You an' yer brother both, except yer the more famous of the two in my opinion."

"But why?" Rose asked.

"Well, yer real parents weren't killed in a car crash. They were killed by Lord Voldemort, the most powerful wizard of our time, tryin' to protect you and yer brother. But when he tryed to kill ya, somethin' stopped 'im. The Kedavra curse just rebounded on 'im, leavin' you and yer brother Harry with just a scar."

Even though Rose had no idea what the Kedavra curse was or who Lord Voldemort was, she understood and believed the giant all the same.

"Well what are you waiting for? Take me away from this horrid place!" she cried. She became so excited that her powers got away from her and the door flew off its hinges. The giant shrugged and stepped out of the door with her close behind. The second they were gone, the parents sighed and collapsed onto the couch.

"Glad she's gone. You'd think she was a spoiled brat," the father said.

"You'd _think?_" Prudence sighed.

.o.O.o.

It just so happens that the giant, Hagrid his name was, was taking Rose to Diagon Alley. She was very excited to get her first look at wizards in their natural habitat (A/N sounds like she's observing them through a microscope, doesn't it?). All throughout their train ride to London, Rose asked Hagrid questions about the wizarding world. Constantly. He was getting quite annoyed, actually. In fact, he was about to whack her on the head with his umbrella when the train stopped. They stepped off and went into the Leaky Cauldron.

"Well how are ya, Hagrid?" said the bartender as they walked in the door. "The usual?"

"No thanks, Tom. On Hogwarts buisness."

"If you're talkin' about little Harry and his friends, they've already gone to Diagon Alley. Came through with the Weasleys a little while ago."

"Well, I did need to find 'im, but I got somethin' else."

It was then that Rose peeked from behind Hagrid's giant form. The bar went silent for a moment, then became louder than ever before.

"My goodness," gasped the bartender. "It's Rose everyone! Rose is back!"

And the entire bar lined up to shake her hand.

"No time, no time," muttered Hagrid. "Gotta get 'er Hogwarts stuff and meet Harry."

Hagrid shoved their way through the crowd and out the back door. With them out of the way, he took his umbrella and tapped a brick on the wall three times. The wall jumped out of the way to reveal hundreds of people in robes and shops as far as the eye could see.

"Welcome," said Hagrid, "To Diagon Alley!"

Rose squealed in excitement, and, without waiting for Hagrid, ran off without a clue where to go. She was almost to Flourish and Blotts when...

OOMPH!

Rose ran straight into someone.

"Will you watch where you're go..."

The red-haired boy whipped around and froze the second he saw the girl lying on the ground. With a smile he gave her a hand and hoisted her to her feet.

"What's the matter Ron?" said a female voice from behind them. "We're on our way to Madam Maxim's to get new robes!"

The source of the voice appeared by Ron's side. She had bushy brown hair, and Rose noticed that she looked quite plain (I mean, I am so much prettier than her, she thought). After noticing Ron's longing gaze for Rose, the girl scowled.

"RON!" she cried. "Come on!"

"I... I think I'll stay here for a bit," he sighed. Rose blushed.

"What's the holdup, Hermione?" Another boy appeared. This one had messy black hair and green eyes, just like hers. And he had a lighting-bolt scar.

"Harry," Rose gasped.

"Do I know you?" he asked.

"Know me? I'm you're sister!" she cried.

"Sister? I don't have..." but Harry never finished his sentence. Rose had pulled back her red hair and rubbed a bit of her concealer off to reveal a lighting-shaped scar identical to his.

"That's impossible!" all three cried.

"Why didn't anyone tell me I had a sister?" Harry cried.

"But... The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts said that you were taken to a muggle home far away from England!" a shocked Hermione gasped.

"That was because she was in much more danger than Harry." A worn-down wizard appeared behind Rose.

"What do you mean Remus?" Harry asked.

"The night Voldemort tried to kill you both, Lily gave Rose all of her powers because she knew that she was going to die. Since Rose is obviously the more powerful of the two, we had to give her more protection. But now that Voldemort's back, we had to bring her back to defeat him. It is her destiny."

Ron laughed. "And all this time we thought you were the one Voldemort was after! I mean, she... what's your name again?"

"Rose."

"Rose is obviously more powerful than you Harry..."

Ron stopped talking, because Harry and Hermione were giving him death glares.

.o.O.o.

"Is this compartment free?"

Rose was standing in front of Harry's compartment on the Hogwarts Express. Hagrid had brought her there, after buying her an owl and a Firebolt II because, well, she was just that special.

"No..."

"Of course!" cried Ron, shoving Hermione out of her seat. Her glare was deadly enough to scare Draco away.

Rose smiled and sat down next to Ron.

"So... where do you live?" Harry asked.

"Just south of London." Hermione muttered something that sounded strangely like 'little wench'.

"But Hermione said that you lived far away from here."

"That was probably put in the book to protect me. And with good reason, I can already perform NEWT level spells!"

Hermione's glare switched from stun to kill.

.o.O.o.

"Firs' years over here!" cried Hagrid's now familiar voice. "Rose, you'll need ter come with me too."

Rose said goodbye to Ron (hmph! grunted Hermione) and followed Hagrid onto the boats. They sailed across the lake and into the castle, where Professer McGonagall was waiting for them. She smiled when she saw Rose.

"Hello, students. In a few moments you will step into the Great Hall where you will be sorted into your house-Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, or Slytherin. Your house will be like your home here. Now follow me."

Rose stepped into the Great Hall where all of the students were silent. They were all watching her. McGonagall called the first student up (RAVENCLAW!). This process continued until the was the last student remaining. Dumbledore stood up.

"Attention! I'm sure all of you know about Harry Potter and his miraculous defeat of Lord Voldemort. And I'm also sure that you've all heard of his twin sister, a more powerful witch than Harry is a wizard! Well, she has returned to us at last, to rid us of this threat!"

Cheers erupted from every corner of the hall. The only ones not cheering were Harry, Hermione, and Draco. As you may know, Harry wasn't too happy about his sister stealing his best friend, much less his spotlight. Draco just hated anyone with the last name of Potter.

"So, without any further ado, let the sorting begin!"

Rose sat down on the stool and placed the sorting hat on her head. It immedietely began to chatter away.

"I was looking forward to the day I'd see you here ever since your brother was sorted. Now let's see... oh my."

"Oh my what?" Rose thought.

"I don't know where to put you. You are very loyal which makes you eligble for Hufflepuff, but you are also the smartest girl that's ever put me on her head. That makes Ravenclaw a possibility... But you are also cunning, so Slytherin could be your home. And let's not forget that you're brave... I'll just put you with your brother in... GRYFFINDOR!"

Rose smiled as she took off the hat. Ron was in Gryffindor; she would have him wrapped around her finger in no time. She went and sat beside him. Strangely, Hermione happened to be in the floor again.

.o.O.o.

The next day was the first day of classes. Rose had been moved up to fifth year because she had proven herself capable to Dumbledore. Professer Flitwick suggested that she move on up to seventh year, but the other teachers thought it would be best if she stayed with her own age group.

After breakfast, Rose went with Harry, Ron, and Hermione to their first class of the day-potions. When they got to the dungeon, Snape had not yet arrived.

"I'm warning you Rose," said Harry as they sat down. "Snape hates our dad's guts, and he's determined to make my life miserable because of it. I wouldn't put it past him to carry that grudge onto you."

"Oh don't worry. How could he possibly hate me?" she said. Hermione tried desperately to turn her laugh into a hacking cough.

Harry didn't have time to list the many possible ways that he could, because said professer had arrived. He answered Rose's question well enough by shooting her a glare similar to Hermione's.

"Well, it seems that we have another Potter in our presence," he hissed. "How _wonderful_." Snape looked as if he was about to vomit as he said that word. "I wonder if she can tell me what a beozor is..."

"It's a stone found in the stomach of the goat that will cure most poisons," she said as-a-matter-of-factly.

"I knew that," Hermione muttered.

Snape looked furious. "Alright then. Let's get to our lesson. I need for you to concoct Veratiserum. Can anyone tell me what that is?"

Hermione's and Rose's hands shot up at the same time. Snape looked as if he couldn't decide which girl he hated more. Eventually he let Hermione answer.

"Veratiserum is a clear potion that will force the drinker to tell the truth." She smirked at Rose in the satisfaction of beating her to an answer.

"That is correct, Miss Granger. The ingredients are on the board, you have until the end of class."

Hermione went at the potion like it was a matter of life and death. After an hour of chopping, squeezing, and smashing (Hermione nearly broke the table) when Hermione's potion was finally losing its color, Rose said "done, professer!"

A disheveled Hermione watched Snape examine Rose's vial and write an O in his notebook. With all the fury she could muster she bottled her potion and slapped it into the professer's hand. He looked it over and wrote an E besider her name. Steam poured out of her ears as she shoved her things into her bag and stormed out of the dungeon. Harry followed close behind.

"Are you alright?" he asked while trying to catch up.

"OF COURSE I'M ALRIGHT! WHY WOULDN'T I BE ALRIGHT? JUST BECAUSE THAT WENCH BEAT ME IN EVERYTHING POSSIBLE INCLUDING POTIONS AND GETTING TO RON DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING! I'LL BE JUST FINE!"

"Maybe you need to get some rest Hermione..."

But she wasn't listening. As she stormed up the hall to Ancient Runes suits of armor jumped out of her way to avoid her anger.

.o.O.o.

This pattern remained the same the entire time she was at Hogwarts. Hermione had destroyed her potions tools in anger, and yet Rose continued to beat her in everything. Harry wasn't pleased, but he ignored her... until Quidditch started.

"I think I'm going to try out," she said suddenly at breakfast the day before tryouts. Harry spit his pumpkin juice halfway across the Great Hall where it hit Draco full in the face.

"But... you've never played Quidditch before! You don't even know the rules!"

"Sure I do! I read _Quidditch Through the Ages_ last night. Should be easy enough."

"Ha!" cried Hermione. She had been bursting to say something, Harry could tell. "Quidditch is one thing you can't be good at by reading a book. It comes from pure talent."

"Oh please. We all know I'm not short on that," Rose exclaimed while rolling her eyes. "See you at the Quidditch field, Harry."

After she had left, Hermione ripped out a few handfuls of her bushy hair and banged her head on the table.

"You alright, Mione?" said Ron who was still gazing lustfully at a retreating Rose. Hermione scowled and hit him on the back of the head with her hand.

"What? Was it something I said?"

.o.O.o.

Later that day Harry and Ron arrived at Quidditch tryouts. "Do you think Rose came?" Ron said eagerly. Harry rolled his eyes. He looked up into the stands where Hermione sat watching. Her eyes were red and puffy, she had obviously been crying. He heard Ron squeal in a rather unmanly manner and immedietly knew that his twin sister had arrived. When he turned around, he saw that she had a Firebolt II grasped in her hands.

_"Those aren't even on the market yet!"_ he thought maliciously.

Ron didn't seem to care, because he was now entangled in a mess of red hair. Harry looked back up to the stands just in time to see Hermione retreating to the castle.

"Alright, seekers first!" Harry heard the captain cry. To his dismay, he saw his sister mount her broom. Before he had time to say anything, the snitch was released into the air. Immedietely he kicked off into the air, following the gold streak. Rose quickly sped past him and caught the snitch before he knew what was happening.

"Well I think we've got ourselves a new seeker! Sorry Harry," the captain told him off to the side. "You can be reserve seeker."

Harry didn't stay to watch Ron try out for Keeper. Instead he followed Hermione's example and sped off in the opposite direction.

.o.O.o.

"She's the spawn of Voldemort," Harry told Hermione as they sat in the common room alone.

"I've been telling you that for the past two months, but would you listen? Noooo," said Hermione.

"She's got to go. But how?"

"I don't know yet. But I'll figure out a way. Don't worry, Harry. I'll make sure your demon of a sister will be properly disposed of."

.o.O.o.

The school year continued, but Hermione couldn't figure out how to kill Rose without getting caught. She considered letting the dementors have her, but she couldn't figure out a way to bring them into the school. But near the end of the term, she got the opportunity she had been waiting for.

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, and Luna got the news that Sirius had been captured by Lord Voldemort. After a nasty ordeal involving centaurs and Umbridge they immedietely went to the Ministry of Magic where Voldemort was hiding. But just as they were about to leave the castle, Hermione's eyes lit up and she dashed back to the common room. When she came back, she was dragging Rose with her.

"I'm here to save Uncle Sirius!" she cried.

Harry gritted his teeth. "For the last time, he's not our uncle, he's our _godfather_. You'd think it had gotten into your thick skull after he constantly reminded you last Christmas." He did not say this last sentance aloud.

"Whatever. Let's go."

And she led the way like she was the leader of the DA, not Harry. He cursed underneath his breath the entire way. When he turned to Hermione for comfort, she just smirked. It was not a good smirk. Harry made a note to make sure he never saw that smirk again on her face.

The DA progressed until they finally came to the Department of Mysteries (Rose had blasted all of the brains into oblivion). To everyone's surprise, including Rose's, the death eaters were waiting for them, and they were all eyeing her. She had insisted on taking the prophecy herself. Smart move on her part.

"Get the prophecy!" the death eather known as Lucius Malfoy cried. Immedietely they began to shoot curses at the teenagers, which Rose easily deflected. She ended up in the middle of the fight between Bellatrix and Sirius.

"Get out of the way, you silly little girl!" cried Bellatrix.

"No. You'll have to defeat me to get to Uncle Sirius!" There was a groan behind her back that she did not hear along the lines of _'I am not your uncle!'_

Bellatrix rolled her eyes and pointed her wand at Rose's chest.

_"Avada Kedavra!"_

A number of things happened in the same instant. Rose Lily Potter fell to the floor, dead as a doornail. Ron Weasley snapped out of a trance and began to beg Hermione for forgivness. Harry and Hermione felt large burdens lift off their chests. All was right with the world once more.

"I just have to ask you one thing," Harry said as he and Hermione sat in the Gryffindor common room much later. "How did you know?"

"Easy. I knew there was something suspicious about Sirius being captured, even if I didn't know what it was. Somehow I thought that the death eaters would have the same idea as us, and I knew they were after her just as much as you."

"But wouldn't You-Know-Who want to kill Rose himself, like he tried to kill Harry?" asked Ron.

"Bellatrix didn't know that she had killed the famous Rose Lily Potter. You know how she was always so particular about hiding her scar? She covered it with makeup and everything."

"Yes, and it drove me insane. It's really not as horrible as she made it out to be," hissed Harry.

"Exactly. Rose had covered her scar, so Bellatrix didn't recognize her. She killed her like she would any other annyoing pest."

There was a long pause while Ron and Harry contemplated what Hermione had accomplished. Then they both got down on one knee in front of her and said:

"Will you marry me?"

* * *

**_Right. Well, I hope that was a good first chapter. I figured I'd start with one of the more well-known Mary Sues, the Harry's twin sue. A few things to consider when you come across a sue like this:_**

**_1. A girl this perfect would have been killed by Hermione long before Bellatrix got her hands on her._**

**_2. There is no such thing as a Firebolt II. Period._**

**_3. The prophecy was meant for Harry and Harry only, which brings me to my last and most important point..._**

**_4. HARRY'S AN ONLY CHILD!_**

**_Usually I would tell you what kind of Sue I'd kill in the next chapter, but I'm still deciding. You may be able to persuade me by sending your ideas..._**

**_Agent M._**


	2. The Marauder Sue

**_Squee! 22 reviews! That's more reviews than I've ever gotten for one chapter!_**

**_Just seconds after I posted the first chapter of this story a reviewer came begging me to write a Marauder Sue. So, in honor of my most enthusiastic reviewer, here is the Marauder Sue._**

**_Little is known about the time in which Harry's parents went to school. Is it possible that they were plauged by these... these creatures that shall remain nameless? You betcha. No era is safe from the monstrosity that is the Mary Sue. Not only is this one perfect, but she's a flippin' animagus with three forms!_**

Mary Sues of Hogwarts

It was Raven Violet Star Jones's (snicker) sixth year at Hogwarts, and her muggle parents still weren't used to sending her away to a magical school.

"Are you sure you don't want to go to that nice acadamy we talked about?" her mother asked desperately. Even if she did want to go, it was a little too late, considering they were standing in front of the Hogwart's Express. "It's much better than an old castle..."

"No mum," Raven sighed. "All of my friends are here. Besides, I like magic and the old castle we learn it in."

"Alright. As long as you're sure."

Raven hugged her parents goodbye just as the train whistle blew. A messy-haired boy poked his head out of one of the windows and yelled for her to hurry up.

"I'm coming James! Keep your socks on!" she cried as she hurried towards the train.

.o.O.o.

Raven sat in the compartment across from James and his pals with Lily Evans, her best friend. She was muggle-born too. They were just settling down when James and Sirius walked in. The former's hand automatically shot to his hair in the presence of Lily. Sirius winked at the blonde beauty that was Raven; she responded by rolling her eyes. He had been trying to ask her out (and succeed) as long as James had been asking Lily out. She secretly liked him back, but for some reason her pride wouldn't allow her to say yes. Unlike James, though, Sirius had resolved that, until Raven changed her mind, he would go out with whomever he pleased.

"Go away James," sighed Lily as the boy sat down beside her. James mocked a look of shock.

"Dear Lily, where are your manners? You're supposed to say 'Why hello, James and Sirius. Nice of you to join us! Will you please sit down?'"

"Why can't you guys be a little more like Remus?" she groaned. "He sits over in the other compartment like a good boy and reads a book."

"Yes, he's a rather tame wolf isn't he?" Sirius joked. Raven slapped him across the face.

"Don't say that!" she whispered. "Someone could hear you!"

"Yeah, right. Like someone's going to hear me and tell the whole school. I mean, who would believe..."

"Going to hear what?"

Severus stood at the entrance to the compartment, smirking. James and Sirius whipped out their wands. Lily immedietely began to protest (she was a prefect, after all), but she was ignored.

"Snivellus," hissed Sirius. "I see you didn't bother washing your hair over the summer." Lily's eyes widened in shock. "What are you doing here?"

"Trying to find the trolly. But your conversation was so loud it would have attracted people from miles around."

"Don't stick your crooked nose into other people's buisness!" James cried.

Lily looked absolutely scandalized. "James!" she cried. "You guys stop fighting this instant!"

But she was too late. Severus had pulled out his wand. Someone cried _Furnuculus! _and Snape burst into ugly boils. As soon as he ran off, Raven stepped into the open and pocketed her wand.

"Raven, how could you?" Lily gasped.

"He was butting into other people's buisness. He deserved it," Raven said, as if the matter was settled. She sat back down and didn't say a word until the train had arrived at Hogwarts.

.o.O.o.

Snape had been immedietely escorted to the hospital wing after the train stopped. The boils were so bad that he wasn't in class the first day, nor at breakfast the day after that. He was in potions later, however. And boy, was he a sight to see.

Raven, Sirius, and James all burst into laughter when Severus stepped into view. White bandages covered his entire body, and his face had swelled to twice its normal size. Through the swelling, Raven spotted a scowl strong enough to bring down a small rodent.

"Er, Severus my boy... you just take a seat over there with Lily," stuttered Professer Slughorn. After shaking his head, he waved his wand over the board. A list of potion ingredients appeared. "Now as I was saying-the potion you are about to make is very difficult, probably the most difficult potion you have ever made. But it will be worth the effort. Every year I start my NEWT students off with the Draught of Living Death, and the person with the best potion by the end of class will win a vial of Felix Felicus, enough to last 24 hours!"

Everyone immedietely began to chatter, telling their friends what they would do with a day's worth of liquid luck. The word 'lottery' popped up quite often.

"Well, I can see that you are all excited about this project! You may begin when I say go... GO!"

Cauldrons and ingredients appeared on the tables faster than you could say 'quidditch'. Raven looked towards Lily's table, where Snape was trying to see the board through swollen eyelids. He finally gave up and dragged out his copy of _Advanced Potion Making. _Even then he shook his head and scratched out some of the instructions.

Raven snickered once more and turned to her cauldron, where the ingredients were already bubbling quietly. While absentmindedly stirring her potion, she glanced at Sirius who was struggling with the cork on one of his vials. Her mind quickly wandered to another subject: the full moon was tomorrow night, which meant a night out at the Shrieking Shack with the Marauders. That was what she lived for. She remembered when James and Sirius finally achieved the task of transforming into animals; she was a natural by the time they had mastered it. In fact, she had several animagi. One was a raven (duh, for those idiots who couldn't figure it out), another was a cat (this was her most common form), and another was a dragon (she hadn't used this form in a very long time because it tended to attract attention). It took even longer for Peter to figure it out, and when he did he was very disappointed. His form was a rat and, while useful when it came to stealth, it was very ugly, unlike Sirius's dog form which was _adorable._

Raven stopped stirring. Not a moment too soon, because at this moment Slughorn cried "Stop!"

The professer scanned over the cauldrons. He winced at some, but nodded in approval for most. When he came to Robin, he declared her the winner without even glancing at Snape and Lily. Severus was livid, but Lily didn't seem to mind. Slughorn handed Raven a vial of golden liquid with a smile.

.o.O.o.

Raven didn't waste any time in draining the vial. She drank the whole bottle in one gulp, actually. For the next 24 hours she managed to keep finding Galleons lying all over the school at random times. Every time she did, Snape seemed to grow more and more angry. But even he couldn't complain when Professer McGonagall didn't give any homework that day.

"That was bloody brilliant!" said James after classes were over.

"Hey, how should I have known that that kid's mirror was going to explode and distract McGonagall until the end of class? I'm glad he wasn't hurt, but no homework was a nice surprise," Raven replied.

"The day's not over yet. You still have a few hours of luck left. Remember, tonight's the full moon!"

"Yeah, won't that be fun," groaned Remus. He kept glancing at the sun sinking outside of the window.

It was at this moment that Sirius jumped through the portrait hole. He wore an evil grin.

"Why are you so happy?" Raven asked curiously.

Sirius scanned the common room to see if anyone else was listening. When he was satisfied, he motioned towards Raven and James. They leaned in to listen. "I told Snivellus how to get past the Whomping Willow."

"What?" whispered James. "Are you crazy? You'll reveal Remus's secret, not to mention ours!"

"No, listen. We'll be in our animagi forms. He won't recognize us. He'll go down the tunnel and come face to face with a full-grown werewolf! And how will he know it's Remus anyways?"

Raven was ecstatic. "Sounds excellent! We better go now if we're going to get to the tree in time."

Sirius, Raven, and Remus (who didn't hear a word of their plan) headed towards the portrait. James stayed behind.

"Hey, aren't you coming?" Sirius asked.

"I'll catch up," he replied. Sirius shrugged and followed Raven out the door.

.o.O.o.

"Okay, Remus and Peter are up the tunnel," said Sirius while peering underneath the tree.

"What about Snape?" asked Raven.

"That's where you come in. You stay down here in your cat form and watch for him while I lead the werewolf closer to the entrance, just close enough for him to get a good scare."

Raven nodded. She didn't know what it was, maybe it had something to do with the effects of the potion, but she suddenely had the desire to do something drastic.

So she did.

Grabbing Sirius by the arm, Raven yanked him around and kissed him full on the lips. And he didn't draw back until the sound of the willow attacking an intruder interuppted them. Gasping, Sirius smiled. It wasn't his regular mischevious smile, either, but a nervous and goofy smile.

"Uh, I better go up to the shack. Snape is, well... yeah." he turned around and dashed up the tunnel without another sound. Raven sighed and transformed into a cat.

Just a few minutes later, Snape wandered down the tunnel. He held his wand out in front of him like a light and pointed it at her. He scowled and was just about to continue on when James appeared out of thin air. He had his invisibility cloak in his hand.

"Don't do it Snape!" he cried. "Sirius tricked you!"

"What the heck are you doing?" Raven transformed back into her human form without thinking. "You're ruining the plan!"

"You!" Snape cried.

"Yes, her. And if you don't get out of here you'll be in serious danger!"

"What are you talking..." but Snape's question was answered for him. At the end of the tunnel was a full-grown werewolf. And it was ready to kill. Sirius, in dog form, was poised beside it, and his grin was wiped from his face when he saw Raven as a human.

The girl immedietely felt the luck drain from her body as she stared Remus in the face. James seemed to snap out of his stupor first, and he dragged Snape out of the tunnel. Raven, however, was rooted to the spot. Remus leaped forward and, before Sirius could stop him, landed right on top of her.

.o.O.o.

It was the morning after the full moon and Raven was a thing of the past. Surprisingly, the Marauders seemed to have a different attitude. The spell that Raven had put over them had lifted after Remus had mauled her to death the night before. In fact, the effect was so quick that Sirius immedietely forgot about the kiss. Severus was sworn to secrecy, but he sometimes muttered werewolf jokes underneath his breath just to annoy them.

"You know, it turns out that Raven was hiding something from us," said James after the incedent.

"What?" asked the Marauders (and Lily).

"Dumbledore told me that she had been hiding her real identity all along. She wasn't even human. Dumbledore said that if he had known he wouldn't have ever let her into Hogwarts."

"Then what was she?" asked Peter.

"She was part of a dangerous species, more dangerous even than me. They've been known to slip into Hogwarts ever since it was open, the last occurence being in the fifties. They are more powerful than any wizard, more beautiful than any other living being, and always seem to defy the laws of physics. She was a Mary-Sue."

"But I thought they were just a legend!" cried Lily. Remus shook his head.

"But that means... anyone here could be a Sue," whispered Sirius. Everyone's heads automatically turned to Lily.

"What?" she exclaimed.

* * *

**_Dun dun dun! Is Lily a Sue? Will the Mauraders ever be the same? Is there another Sue at Hogwarts? We may never know..._**

**_Review!_**

**_-Agent M._**


	3. The American Exchange Student

**_Tsk tsk! Not nearly as many reviews for this chapter as the last one. Where has everyone gone off to? Anyways, I have spawned a whole new clan of plot bunnies by this story alone._**

**_I've decided that this chapter will be based on the ever-popular American exchange student. Other additions will be the Muggle-dropped-into-Harry's-world, Snape's daughter, Voldemort's daughter, and many more depending on the requests I get. Remember, I haven't been exposed to the Harry Potter world as long as most of you have. But for now let's stick with the American student. I'm sure most of you are thinking... Hogwarts doesn't have an exchange program! Well, a sane person who has read the books should know that. But, then again, Suethors aren't sane._**

Mary Sues of Hogwarts

The Hogwarts express was leaving in five minutes. Harry, Hermione, and Ron had already found themselves a compartment towards the back of the train and settled down.

"Wow, can you believe what a strange year we had last year?" sighed Ron. "I'm just glad we can put it behind us, _can't we Hermione?_"

Hermione rolled her eyes and smiled. "Don't worry, it wasn't your fault. She had you under your spell. No male can escape that."

"How would you know Herm?" asked Harry.

"I looked up Mary-Sues over the summer holidays. Apparently they come in many different varieties and some are almost impossible to spot. Your sister was more obvious, and if we had been more prepared we would have recognized her for what she was."

"Ahhh," the two boys sighed. Harry sank down in his seat and glanced out the window. He did a double take when he spotted a girl walking into the train with deep purple robes and matching violet hair. After giving her a skeptical look, he turned away and went to sleep.

.o.O.o.

Harry didn't give the girl a second thought until the trio sat down in the Great Hall. After the normal process of sorting the first years and Dumbledore's adding to the already long list of items banned by Filch, they eagerly awaited the food to be piled on their plates. But it never happened. Instead, Dumbledore stood up again.

"Attention students! We are proud to say that Hogwarts, in cooperation with the American Academy of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Salem, has begun a foriegn exchange program."

"Huh?" was the general reaction throughout the Great Hall.

"Millicent Bulstrode of Slytherin has agreed to travel to the USA to study for the remainder of the year. Which means that we have a new student! Everyone, please give a warm welcome to..."

Hermione realized what was happening too late.

"Heather Moonfire Angel!"

The same girl that Harry had seen get on the train stepped in front of the staff table. Her violet eyes flashed, and every single teenage male within a mile radius developed a glazed look in their eyes.

"Oh no, not again," sighed Hermione.

"Heather will be staying with us for the remainder of the year, so, she will need to be sorted into a house. Heather, if you would please step up to the stool."

_Anything but Gryffindor, anything but Gryffindor, anything but..._

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" cried Hermione. Everyone, including the females, gave her a strange look.

"Sorry," she said while slowly slipping back into her seat.

.o.O.o.

Harry and Ron managed to get every class with Heather (I wonder how that happened...), and the first class of the day was DADA with Snape. It was a few minutes before the bell, and everyone had gathered around Heather to hear about her life in the states.

"I was really lucky to even get the letter from the Acadamy," she said. "My mom was a witch, but she died giving birth to me. My father's an alcoholic muggle and beats me constantly. I discovered my powers by teleporting myself to another town while he was beating me once. When the letter came he ripped it to shreds. I got another letter, which I ran away with. I used the last of my savings to go to school. Now I live in the Acadamy during the summer months because the teachers feel sorry for me."

"Wow," sighed Seamus. "You had a horrible life. Do you need any emotional comforting?"

This was accompinied by a rather obvious (and disturbing) wink.

"Thank you! You are so kind. How about after class today?"

They continued to listen to her life story even after Snape walked in. He only caught the words "four animagi" before they all scrambled to their seats.

_Now why does that sound familiar?_ he thought. After pondering this for a few seconds, he shook it out of his head and began his torture of the Golden Trio.

.o.O.o.

"Wasn't our first day great?" said Heather enthusiastically. The sixth year girls were hanging out in their dorm after the day's activites. Most of them were listening to Heather. "But that DADA teacher was kind of mean, don't you think?"

"Mmm," Hermione replied. She was the only one not paying attention. Instead, she was reading her Advanced Potions book and trying to figure out exactly what Harry had done to make his potion better than hers. She wasn't having much success either.

"Who's that boy with the lightning-shaped scar, anyways? He's hot, don't you think?"

Hermione slammed her book shut.

"Oh, that's Harry Potter," replied Lavender.

"I've heard of him! He's really famous here in Britain, isn't he?"

"You don't want to date him," said Hermione, irritated that another one of her friends was about to fall victim to a Sue. "You-Know-Who would use anyone close to Harry in order to kill him."

"But aren't you, like, his best friend or something?" asked Heather.

"We're used to it. Besides, Harry isn't interested in getting a girlfriend right now."

Hermione turned away from Heather and crawled into bed. The other girls decided to do the same, and one by one the lights in the dorm went out. As the Sue lay in her bed, she thought, _Oh, I can change that._

.o.O.o.

Sure enough, by the end of the day, Harry was in love with Heather. Hermione was seething, while the Sue was giving her the haha-in-your-face look. Hermione hissed.

"You okay, Hermione?" asked Ron, slightly disturbed by her behavior.

"Oh yes, I'm perfectly fine," she said sarcastically. "Of course I'm not okay! Don't you see? She's another Sue!"

Ron took a good, long, look at Heather.

"Nope, don't see it."

"Ron, you idiot!" Hermione shoved her plate away and ran out of the Great Hall. Heather and Harry emerged from their snogging match.

"What's the matter with her?" asked Harry. Ron shook his head and followed Hermione. Heather shrugged and pulled him back into her grasp.

.o.O.o.

Late that night, while all the other girls were sleeping, Hermione snuck a peek into Heather's trunk. She shuddered at the massive amounts of pink in her wardrobe. What wasn't pink was either baby blue, light purple, or another disgustingly girly pastel. Once she had dug through her wardrobe, she found her schoolbooks and other personal belongings. After scanning through those, she discovered that nothing even remotely resembled evil. Even in her DADA textbook, all pictures of dark spells and creatures had been scribbled out and replaced with drawings of unicorns, flowers, and rainbows.

_This girl is way too perfect,_ she thought. This spawned an idea.

.o.O.o.

Heather yawned. It was a beautiful morning. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining, and she was just as beautiful as ever.

Well, not really.

You can imagine Heather's surprise when she looked into the mirror and found her face covered in zits the size of quarters. A blood-curdling scream rang through the castle, and somewhere in the Great Hall, Hermione smiled. A few seconds later, Heather was running to the infirmiry as fast as her legs could take her. Harry had heard the scream and, recognizing it as his girlfriend's, followed her.

It wasn't until herbology late in the day that Heather was seen again. She walked in with bandages plastered all over her once perfect face and sat down without a word. Not only was she embarresed, but Hermione could tell that she would kill the person who did this to her. Her plan was working perfectly.

.o.O.o.

The next morning, Heather had something else to worry about besides her face. The bandages were gone, and it was almost back to normal. But when she looked into the mirror, her hair had been dyed brown (gasp!) and was ten times bushier than Hermione's had ever been. She tried brushing it out, magiking it out, but nothing worked. And this time, she couldn't go to the infirmiry.

You think she was furious then? Ha, you ain't seen nothin' yet.

As Heather walked through the halls, she noticed posters covering their walls. After looking closer, she realized that they were of her, snoring in her sleep. At the bottom, the poster said:

"Contact Hermione! There's more where this came from!"

Even Heather, who barely had two brain cells to rub together, could then figure out who had been tourturing her for the past two days. And she just happened to be walking by. With as much force as she could muster, Heather slugged Hermione in the nose. And even with blood pouring out of her broken nose, she smiled.

"And here I thought it was impossible for you commit an evil act."

And Heather exploded into a puff of pink smoke.

It turns out that Hermione was right. Certain types of Mary Sues were supposedly the embodiment of everything good and could not commit any acts of evil because it was against their nature. If they contradicted that, the point of her existence was, well... pointless.

* * *

**_For the next sue, I'll make a poll. Whichever one gets the most votes will get the next chapter!_**

**_-Motiel_**


End file.
